You're The Alpha Omega

unkaglen:

There’s lots of really weird advice about dating available to the young Christian today. Head to your local Christian bookstore, and you’ll find bookshelves full of it. Nowadays, it seems like it’s getting to the point where the advice boils down to: wear a full body condom, lock yourself in a closet, and try to have no thoughts or feelings about the opposite sex. That’s not Christian dating advice, that’s advice about NOT dating.

But many of you know how to read through all that. Yes, it’s a good idea to cool it on the more intense physical stuff, at least until you’re much further down the road in the relationship. Yes, it makes sense to be serious and intentional about relationships. And certainly knowing where the Godly boundaries are is essential. But all that doesn’t add up to what you see on the bookshelves, does it? 

So where do we start with the more sensible Christian dating advice? Well, let’s begin with this question from one of my favorite tumblrerrs. 

followandreblog asks: Can girls EVER make the first move on anything? And to what extent? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure some men are really shy (!) and I wonder how it’ll go, if a girl wants to get to know a guy better. Or should she just pray and ask God for the man to make a move, if it’s part of His will? -.-

It’s important to take the whole dating thing seriously, after all, people’s feelings are involved here, but there has to be a way for two Christians to get together and get to know each other, in a way that’s not overly charged with meaning. Sure a gal can come off the wrong way if she approaches a guy in a overtly forward way, but surely a Christian gal can send a message: you seem like the kind of guy I’d like to get to know better.

Here’s another recent question.

Anonymous asks: This guy and I started talking & he’s a great Christian guy and we have a lot in common which is great. He’s very shy and quiet, but he asked for my number, and we’ve been texting a little here and there. I’m not getting my hopes up with him, because I’m just scared that I’ll be let down. But…I guess what I’m asking is…how would you approach this? 

Again, we’re talking about shy guys, but I’m wondering if it’s shyness, or just a matter of, well, where do you start? Now, for the record, gents, just tell that cute girl that you’d like to take her out to a nice dinner, then bring her some flowers, and ask questions, and LISTEN, and then take her home, and tell her you had an awesome time, and that you’d like to do it again, and that she makes you feel all woozy inside because she’s so dang pretty. 

Then head back to your car at a slow trot before you screw anything up.

Simple. Man up, and make your move. Getting shot down is part of life. You don’t deserve that awesome Christian gal if you don’t step up, and believe me, while you’re trying to find just the right way to do it, someone else will beat you to it. Just be yourself, and take your shot.

But for these two ladies, what are we to say? You can’t just sit home by the phone and send thought waves at him. Trust me, we barely pick up open declarations of affection, subtle hints and gestures are lost on us. You could do what women did in my day, (the early Renaissance era), where a gal’s best friend would poke your arm and tell you that you better ask out her friend, because she likes you, and you aren’t going to do any better, and who do you think you are anyway?

These crude but effective methods did lead to men finding their courage (and in my case, often apologizing without really knowing what for). And for sure, many a bold man found his boldness because the woman in his life knew how to call it forth in him. But that only works if you have some feminine boldness within yourself, and you’re not a big ol’ chicken. 

But forget all that, let’s just get back to the essential question: what’s a good, harmless starting point? Well, getting to know each other is the most important first step, so maybe we put some structure to it, maybe give you a list, and that way it kind of gets you over the awkward part. Then all that’s left, is to simply tell that guy or that gal, hey, let’s get a cup of coffee and look at this list I found. 

Here’s a sample list, but add or subtract your own questions about things that would be important to you.

1. Tell me your testimony
2. Tell me about a major turning point in your walk with the Lord
3. What person in your life has been the biggest influence on your walk?
4. What’s your favorite band/singer?
5. Glittery vampire movies, love them or hate them?
6. Are you a cat person or dog person?
7. Are you into sports?
8. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
9. What do you think your calling might be?
10. Do you want to have kids, if so, how many?
11. What’s your favorite food?
12. What was the happiest moment of your life?
13. What was your most embarrassing moment?
14. Do you see yourself as shy or bold?
15. Would you describe yourself as confident or insecure?
16. What sort of gifts do you feel like God has given you?
17. What, to you, would be a really romantic gesture?
18. Describe your idea of a perfect date
19. FOR THE GUY: How do you know decide when to ask a girl out?
20. FOR THR GAL: How do you let a guy know that you’d say yes if he asked you out?

[the correct answer to that last question is: share a cup of coffee with him and have him answer these questions with me!]